Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Unexpected turns in Life's rollercoaster

Life's roller coaster has been wild and full of the unexpected. This years calendar is full with an 18th birthday, college& high school graduations, school graduation trip to Europe for Sedona, New York trip and Pectus bar removal surgery for Justin. It feels like the year is sooo jammed full, we barely have enough time for work or school.

Like always, Justin's surgery went perfect and his recovery was fast, fast, fast. Our trip to New York was great fun and we documented the traveling on the subway and train on Facebook. Then the news started coming in: Corey Carrier, past Muscular Dystrophy patient died of Swine Flu, My friends husband battling Hepatitis for 7 years was deteriorating fast and then the news that knocked my family off their feet, my dear friend of 20 years oldest son was killed on Monday morning driving home from who knows where. Morgan was my sons first friend, our boys loved to be together as evident in all the birthday celebration pictures we have from over the years. All this in 3 weeks!

The good news is Steve received a liver transplant a week ago, but that's about where the good news stops. Morgan's death has stopped us all in our tracks with our inability to stop the tears from rolling at will. Justin, my son, is also great friends with Morgan's younger brother, Orson. Their house was considered my kids "other home". As soon as I heard the news from my family on my return home from work, I turned around and headed out the door to Mary's. As information came in about the accident, we all sat in disbelief and bewilderment. What could have happened and then the infamous... Why?

Morgan was a 4th year engineering student with the world in his hands. Is that what haunted him, did he pick the wrong major, was he worried about getting a job? Not sure any of us can say for sure, but the Morgan we knew was a happy go lucky bright kid with a heart. What is so special about Morgan? Well, He was Justin's first real friend. He watched over Justin and sheltered him in some ways. Justin is our son who has Muscular Dystrophy and he couldn't keep up with all the really active fast moving kids, but Morgan didn't see that part of Justin. They connected around pretend branch guns, mud pies, legos and birthdays.

Morgan recently, in his college years, picked up a habit or possibly even an addiction. None of us are quite sure which but he loved to drink and at times drive. This is what killed our young friend full of life and a promising future. Many times his friends, some even in tears, would ask Morgan how he got home and unfortunately he couldn't remember the drive the route or if there were any issues along the way. Morgan had friends who cared, but there was something that made him feel alone. He is not the only person who has this experience, surrounded by love unable to see it. All of us have our moments, our doubts, our fear of being alone without a rope to climb, but we snap out of it or something happens that reminds us, we are okay. The question is, as a friend who is drowning, how many times do you throw the rope down, how many times do you give a hand only to find anger and hate in that moment? I guess the answer is until they see what you see in them, if you can take it.

Loving someone, means you love them with all their faults, all their anger, all their mistakes. It is finding the essence, holding on to that image until they see it themselves. The challenge is it takes a very very strong, confident, loving, compassionate person with a ton of courage to be this. You have to be willing to lose your friend in the short term to possibly have a friend for life in the long run.

I don't wish this experience on anyone, losing a friend is devastating to those left behind, wondering what they could have done differently, if they could have made a difference or changed the circumstances. All of us are left wondering if we should have reached out, let him know how much we loved him, that we thought the world of him and were willing to help him if he needed it, but you know what they say... hindsight and all...

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